Have a "No Problem Solving" Conversation

Set a timer and talk about anything except problems. No solutions. No fixing. Just connection. Learn how to create space for intimacy without the pressure of solving things.

Why This Matters

Most conversations between couples end up being about problems: work stress, household tasks, relationship issues, logistics. These conversations are necessary, but they're not connecting. They're managing.

A "no problem solving" conversation creates space for actual connection. No agenda. No fixing. Just talking and listening. This builds intimacy in a way that problem-solving conversations can't.

The Secret: No Problems, Just Connection

Set a timer. Talk about anything except problems. No solutions. No fixing. No managing. Just connection.

How to Have a "No Problem Solving" Conversation

1. Set a Timer

20 minutes is perfect. Long enough to actually connect, short enough to be realistic.

2. Put Everything Away

Phones, devices, distractions—all away. This is just the two of you, talking.

3. Pick a Topic (That's Not a Problem)

Talk about:

- Dreams and hopes

- Memories and stories

- Things you're excited about

- Things you're curious about

- What you've been thinking about

- What you've been learning

- Things that made you laugh

- Things that inspired you

Anything except problems, tasks, or things that need fixing.

4. Actually Listen

Don't just wait for your turn to talk. Actually listen. Ask follow-up questions. Show you're interested.

5. No Problem Solving

If a problem comes up:

- Acknowledge it: "I hear that's on your mind"

- Don't solve it: "Let's talk about that later"

- Redirect: "But right now, let's just talk"

This conversation is for connection, not management.

What to Talk About

**Dreams and hopes:** What are you hoping for? What are you dreaming about?

**Memories:** Remember when...? Tell me about...

**Curiosity:** What have you been curious about lately? What have you been learning?

**Stories:** What happened that made you laugh? What inspired you?

**Thoughts:** What have you been thinking about? What's been on your mind (that's not a problem)?

Common Mistakes

**Letting problems creep in:** "Oh, that reminds me, we need to..." No. Not in this conversation.

**Trying to fix things:** "You know what you should do about that?" No fixing. Just listening.

**Being distracted:** Put your phone away. Actually be there.

**Not actually listening:** Don't just wait for your turn to talk. Actually hear what she's saying.

**Making it about you:** This is about connection, not about you sharing all your thoughts.

The Difference: Problem-Solving vs. Connection

**Problem-solving conversations:** Necessary for managing life together. But they're not connecting.

**Connection conversations:** About intimacy, understanding, and being together. No agenda, no fixing.

You need both. But most couples only have problem-solving conversations. This creates space for actual connection.

The Win

You had a conversation with no problems, no fixing, no managing. You just talked and listened. You connected. You built intimacy. That's a win.