Practice Turning Toward Her Bids for Connection

When she reaches out—a comment, a question, a look—how you respond determines everything. Turn toward her, and you connect. Turn away, and you drift apart. It's that simple, and it's that important.

Relationship researcher John Gottman calls these moments "bids for connection." His research shows that how couples respond to these bids is one of the biggest predictors of relationship success. We're just passing along what he found.

She's constantly making small bids for connection. A comment, a question, a gesture. Notice them. Respond positively. Turn toward her, not away.

Pay attention to:

- Comments she makes

- Questions she asks

- Gestures she makes

- Times she's trying to connect

When she makes a bid:

- Acknowledge it

- Engage with it

- Show interest

- Be present

Avoid:

- Ignoring her

- Giving one-word answers

- Being distracted

- Making it about you

This isn't a one-time thing. Make turning toward her a regular habit.

She says: "Look at this sunset."

You turn toward: "Wow, that's beautiful. Let's watch it together."

You turn away: "Yeah." (keeps looking at phone)

She asks: "How was your day?"

You turn toward: "It was good. How was yours? Tell me about it."

You turn away: "Fine." (one word, no follow-up)

-You notice the bid:** You're paying attention

-You respond positively:** You engage, don't dismiss

-You're present:** You're actually there, not distracted

-You do it consistently:** It's a habit, not occasional

-Not noticing bids:** You miss them because you're distracted

-Turning away:** Ignoring, dismissing, or being distracted

-Making it about you:** Turning her bid into a chance to talk about yourself

-Only doing it sometimes:** Make it a habit, not occasional

You turned toward her bid. You responded positively. You connected. Small moments built big bonds. That's a win.